Every day when I pick my kids up from school, I play them an “after school” song. Honestly, I kind of stumbled in to both of them, not choosing them on purpose. I plan on picking out a new one each year. My hope though, is that whenever they hear them, for the rest of their lives, they will remember car rides home from school with their dad – who loved them enough to pick something special just for them. 

The one I play for Zeke is one that he thinks is super weird and that he doesn’t really care for (although when I offered to change it, he said no, and cited “tradition” as the reason why). I have found that annoying your teenage son is one of the most effective ways to show him you love him. I sometimes sing it to him loudly as we drive, just to embarrass him in front of the zero other people who are in the car. It works. 

The one I have with Esther however, has taken on a completely different tenor, and developed a life of it’s own. It’s title is “Father’s Song (Come back to me)” – and it tells the story not really of the prodigal son, but of the father in the parable, who is willing to say and do anything to show his child how much he loves them. It talks about how the father is lonely without him. How he wants desperately for him to come home; and in it he says to him, “you can come back to me, I’m not angry.” It really is a very powerful tune. 

Now you might find it strange that I bring up a song about the prodigal SON when I talk about my DAUGHTER, but let me tell you why the song stuck, and why it’s so special to me. The song ends with a few lines that repeat over and over again, and they say this: 

So you feel ashamed

Well, I’m not ashamed of you

Think I’m too proud

Well, I’m running like a fool

Some may say I should’ve given up on you

But you’re listening to lies ’cause that’s not what I’m gonna do

Are you listening to lies? ‘Cause that’s not what I’m gonna do

THESE are the words I want my daughter to hear, and to internalize. And so now, on the day she turns ten; a tiny little lady, with a personality as big as she is small; I will speak directly to her. 

Esther, you are beautiful. You are creative. You are caring. You are thoughtful and you are kind. You treat others with joy and respect. Your love of life is contagious. The way you smile makes me feel happiness from places in my heart I never knew existed. You have blessed my life in so many ways over the last ten years. You have given me purpose (I want to protect you). You have given me grace (I screw up sometimes too). You have taught me what it looks like to love fiercely, and yet gently (something I wouldn’t have thought possible). Though you’ve only been here for ten years now, I almost can’t remember what it was like around here before you, and I cannot fathom a life without you. Our relationship is one of the most special things in my life, and it always will be. 

But here is something I know. Life can and will be difficult. Sin will weigh us down. People will be mean. The world will try and convince you that certain things matter, even when they don’t. There will always be something or someone looking to bring you down, and steal your joy. No matter how strong you are, or how much resiliency you have, sometimes the darkness will creep in to overtake you. 

And because I know this all too well, I want to warn you, that it’s in these moments that your heart and your mind will lie to you. They will tell you that you’re not enough. They will tell you you’re ugly, or stupid – too skinny, or short. They’ll tell you you’ll never amount to anything, you won’t make a difference, and that you’ll never be able to overcome all that you’re facing. They’ll start to eat away at all the things you know you are, the things you thought you were, and the things you’ve always wanted to be. And you know what the worst part is? You’ll start to believe them; because well, that’s just how life is. 

You’ll make mistakes and you’ll feel shame. You’ll think people (maybe even me) have given up on you. You’ll think you aren’t worth the love of your earthly, or your Heavenly Father – and it will be really hard.

But in those moments, I want you to remember your daddy singing to you in the car at the top of his lungs. No matter what you’ve done, I’m not ashamed of you. If you think my pride or caring what others think of me will get in the way of me loving you – just know I will always run to you, wrap you in my arms, and tell you I love you – even at the cost of my own appearance.  And when you feel like others have given up on you and life is overwhelming you – I will be the FIRST one in line to tell you, “you’re listening to lies, and that’s not what I’m going to do.” 

Perhaps my favorite section of this song we share though, isn’t really about a word at all. There is a part that is represented in the lyrics only by the – quasi word “woah.” I’m convinced it’s not even a word at all. But the thing that makes it my favorite, is that even when we haven’t sung a note together up until that point, even when the weight of the day has kept us from making a sound – when we reach the woah, without fail, you put your still small little hand in mine, and together, you and me, us against the worst this world has to offer, sing together and to one another – about a love that needs no words to express itself. 

Sweet baby girl, I know in the next year you will change in so many ways. I know there will someday be another song we share. But at least for now, daddy wants you to know that no matter what happens in your life and what lies you may be struggling not to believe; you can ALWAYS come back to me. And when you do, I’ll help you overcome the lies, I’ll take your girl-sized hand in mine, and together we will sing; 

Woah.