John 13:1–4 (ESV)

Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper.

I’ve been pretty lucky, perhaps better stated blessed, by friends in my life. I’ve had mostly the kind who have believed in, and been there for, me over the course of my forty three plus years on this earth. Some of the most precious memories I hold, contain the people who I would tell you are my closest friends. But when they tell you that being a pastor or being in ministry is a lonely job – they (whoever THEY are) – aren’t lying. 

Having a job where you either have to know everyone’s junk (and yes I say HAVE to because I certainly don’t WANT to and on the other end of the spectrum you HAVE to know certain things to protect the people of the church), can cause a lot of distance to grow between you and those you love. Leadership does that too. Having a job where everyone thinks you make every decision or have the power to, tends to cause people to think they should let you know their opinion about every decision either before or after it’s been made.

I can imagine the same dynamics were at play with Jesus and his 12 closest friends. Obviously He was closer to a few of them, but they were all in His “twelve” for a reason. John referred to himself over and over as “the Disciple whom Jesus loved.” That’s not a title you give yourself unless you’re sure. Peter was told by Jesus directly that “he was the rock on whom He would build His church.” Seems like Peter had earned Jesus’ trust if nothing else. But little is known about the rest of the twelve, save except Judas Iscariot, and most of it isn’t good. 

Judas gets labeled a lot of things – and they’re most certainly deserved – but I’ve often wondered just when and how his heart got to the place where he decided to betray perhaps his best friends. I say friends, because when you think about it, he didn’t just betray Jesus, but all of them. Somewhere in the midst of this tight knit group of compatriots, enough disdain and mistrust grew, that Judas decided it was better for him to collect thirty pieces of silver (about 3 or 4 months work), than to stay the course and the fight for the cause. Was it a slow burn of many things over the course of time, or was there one catalyzing event? Did he think he was doing the right thing, or was he sure of how wrong what he did was? There are lots of opinions and options out there, but scripture, and some of Judas’ closest friends – don’t give us TONS of insight. Perhaps that’s because they realized what I realized at some point too. 

It wasn’t just Judas who betrayed Jesus. 

Sure, in that moment, he was the one who led the soldiers to Him with a kiss – but each and every sin that you and I have ever committed has made it necessary for Jesus to willingly and sacrificially carry and climb upon the cross. It’s not as if Judas caused Jesus to do something that otherwise didn’t need to or wouldn’t have happened. You and I are just as much to blame. 

So the same questions we have for Judas, we need ask of ourselves. How do we let our hearts get to a place or a point where they believe the lies over His truth? Do we value our relationship with the things of this world, over the one we desire to have with Him? Do we see Jesus as truly a friend, or merely a means to an end (and one that we want). All I know is I want to be the kind of friend (and follower) that makes Jesus feel lucky, not lonely. But oh, how often I fall short.