I honestly couldn’t tell you when it was; the first time I saw you as a young man instead of my little boy, but I think I could hazard a guess. 

Perhaps it was the morning of the first day of school. 6th grade, a locker full of stuff, ready to switch classes for the first time and study things that require you to comprehend and think on your own. As you carried in the backpack you borrowed from me, I might have seen a glimpse of grown up in there somewhere. 

Or maybe it was the first time I took you to your baseball lessons and I saw the confidence with which you walked in. This was something YOU wanted, and you weren’t going to let ANYTHING slow you down. You had your mind made up, baseball was your thing, and you were going to do whatever it took to be the best possible version of yourself you could be. 

I guess there’s a chance it was during the first few weeks of basketball season, when I saw you attitude change right before my eyes. You went from a kid who barely understood what he was doing, a kid who panicked every time he got the ball, to a leader on your team, fighting for every rebound, scoring double digit points each game, and helping your teammates keep their emotions in check. These were the days I realized my time coaching you in anything is running out.

There’s probably a chance it was one of the many times you offered to help your mom cook dinner or clean up after we were done. So thoughtful and willing to help around the house, like every good man should. Your willingness to lighten the load of other people made me aware that you were starting to “get it” – what it takes to be all grown up – and you made it look so easy. 

I know that it has been a year of proving yourself not just to others, not just to mom and me, but to yourself; that you have what it takes to become a teenager – and a fabulous one at that. And if I am being honest, I think you’ve proven yourself to all of us, including you, that you have what it takes to be the leader and lover (of so many things and so many people) that everyone wants to be around. 

In just 3 short years you’ll be a high school student, driving yourself places and playing taxi driver for your younger sister. At that point I won’t be worried about how many years I have left of coaching you, but instead how much more time you’ll be spending under our roof. They’ll be a girl who steals your heart, and hopefully not, but perhaps one who breaks it too. I know you’ll take it all in stride, but I hope you know my heart will break a little bit with yours each and every time. 

All these things and more have shown me that you’re ready to be a man, and take care of yourself in ways you couldn’t and hadn’t up until now. But that’s not all you’ve shown me lately. 

Because you see three weeks ago, when I was at perhaps the lowest point I have ever been, when I needed the most help I ever have; because of the shared monster of anxiety we face – you did something so meaningful, so powerful, so beautiful that I will never forget it. 

As your mother prepared to take me in to get the help we all knew I needed in that moment you saw me not just as your dad, but as a person; and a person in need of someone to say something specific. 

In that moment you walked right up to me – eyes just barely filled with tears – you took me by the hands, looked me in the eyes and said the words your old man desperately needed to hear. 

“It’s not your fault, dad.” 

Ezekiel, I can NEVER and will never be able to tell you what those words meant to me, The peace that came to me when you spoke them over me. There is something about hearing truth from someone who has shared in your pain that makes it just mean more. And in that moment you were God’s vessel speaking straight to my heart. It was a moment I will never forget.

I may not be able to tell you for sure the first time I saw you as a miniature grow up dude, probably because it doesn’t all happen at once – but I can tell you with 100% certainty that THAT moment I KNEW you were Daddy’s grown up guy. We went from me always helping you, to, in my moment of need – you doing everything you could to be the one helping me. 

I know as the years go on, you’ll still need my help. Someone has to teach you how to drive a car, how to talk to girls, and help you pick something to do for the rest of your life. But we’ve reached the point now where the helping is reciprocal, where it won’t just be dad helping you, but I think, you’ll be helping me a lot more than I’m ready for. 

So as you turn thirteen, remember these things, always be kind to your mother and your sister – they’re the only ones you’ll ever have. Pick a girl who loves Jesus more than she loves you – you’ll never be sorry you did. While you’re at it, you should love Jesus too, with everything you’ve got in you – He’ll never steer you wrong. Do everything important in life with all you’ve got; leave it all out on the field, in the classroom, and the care you show your friends. Be the kind of person you’ll be proud of someday when you look back – because sooner than later you will. 

And as you’re doing all those things, please remember just one thing about your dad, who is proud to call you son; remember he loves you – Always, forever, and no matter what. Always has. Always will. 

Even now that you’re your daddy’s grown up guy.